Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
