you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
