speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
