Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
