her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
