I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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