Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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