He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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