Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
