nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
