thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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