Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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