Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
