4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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