batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
