Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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