Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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