he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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