I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
