we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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