He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
