Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
