Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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