Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
