no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
