totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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