Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
