Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
