Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
