Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
