areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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