Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
