thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
