Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
