Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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