Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
