so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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