Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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