He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
