I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We are all done wearing pants today
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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