after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize