You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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