it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
