you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You don't make any sense
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