my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize