she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
