4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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