life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
