and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
