When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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