Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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