u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
