And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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