I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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