so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
