I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
