Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
