Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
