just tell him i said nine months
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
