I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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