If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
