i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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