I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
