I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
