'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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