Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
