I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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