fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
