Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
