If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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