Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
kristin has been a bad kristin
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
