if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
