bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
