So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
