Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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