i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
