One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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