the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
