it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
